A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything

New year started with a bang and a lot of alcohol. To try and counter the crap that I consumed I’ve come up with some new years resolutions, try not to laugh too hard now. :)

1. Eat better:- healthier and smaller portions. I find that the more that I have on my plate the more compelled I feel to consume it.

2. Join the gym:- This happens tomorrow. I’ve not been to the gym for years and my general health is rubbish. Hoping that by the time the wedding comes around I am more in shape and feeling better.

3. Cook more:- less take out, and more experimentation with the food we eat.

4. Bake more:- Along with cooking I need to hone my baking skills.

5. Read more:- I’ve been bought a good many books this Christmas and so to increase my brain power it’s time to get on with some serious reading.

6. Try to relax:- Anyone who knows me will know that I find it difficult to relax. Instead of trying to fix the impossible, I am going to try and relax a little more which begins with my CBT on the 13th Jan.

7. Go to church more:- starting tomorrow I’m going to try and take my faith a little more seriously. I’ve lost touch with it all lately and I think that it’s time I got back on the horse so to speak. It might help me deal with the some of the shit that happens in life as i feel a little lost.

Fingers crossed I actually manage to keep some of these. Who knows though.

Lu

We’re less than 10 months away from our wedding and we’re both starting to feel the pressure.

We’ve got a large majority of things sorted but its a few important things we have to sort.

• Organise the invites
• Sort the menues
• Grooms mans suits
• Stag do
• Flower girls suits
• Pick a wedding photographer

So whilst this seems fairly straight forward we’ve actually got a lot to consider.

With all this, comes money and lord knows we don’t have a lot of that! We’re managing to save well but have had to begin prioritising the payment of different elements.

I also had an epiphany the other day, that within 9 months I will become Sam’s wife. I can’t imagine anything more exciting and it’ll be wonderful to wake up and know that we’ve decided to go in for the long haul.

Well I do really but my mind isn’t about to let me get off to the world of sleep.

As I’ve blogged before, I miss my Dad intensely. I feel his death was a great injustice and subsequently it makes it all the more difficult to let it go.

Because of this, I get moments where I cry like a baby and can’t help but feel like a complete idiot.

My dad passed away nearly 3 years ago now and not a day goes by where he isn’t in my mind and I don’t miss him. As a result of the continual missing and the fact that I never really got to deal with his passing, I have episodes of crying and dread that I am going to die.

As a direct consequence, I have suffered from panic attacks and on a few occassions have thought I was dying of a heart attack. I’ve also been suffering from sciatica as a result of a rotated pelvis. My auto reaction was that I have cauda equina and that I was going to be paralysed.

I didn’t sleep well. Now I’ve had headaches and dizziness which I have convinced myself is down to a brain tumour. It’s stupid and rationality would say that lack of decent sleep and stress have contributed to my symptoms. But not me, no I have a brain tumour.

Stupid girl. So figuring this is all related to my GAD I am off to the doctors tomorrow morning to see the doc and ask for a referral to a CBT expert.

Lets see if it works.

I’d like to say that my late night posting is down to my dedication to this blog but alas this would be a lie. At present I am struggling with sciatica brought on by a rotated pelvis. Don’t you love the human body? It totally does stuff it’s not meant to and unfortunately, most of that stuff is happening to my body.

So due to this I am not sleeping well and undergoing physiotherapy with a lovely lady in Leeds (I can’t remember her name).

So part 3 of my blog is:

Part 3: Working out where to start.

Ok so this should probably be part 2 but everyone knows that the dress is high on the priority list…

The one thing that hit us when we started planning all this was the fact that we had no idea where to start.
To make things a tad easier, we went through a few wedding magazines and made lists of things we thought we had to do.
First and foremost was the engagement:- Check!

Then it was telling people:-Check!

Then we needed to work out what type of wedding we were having, so where and who was coming….umm ok we hadn’t done that part.

My beloved Daddy was Catholic and so my brother, sister and I were also brought up in the Catholic faith. Sam, however wasn’t of any denomination and so it made sense for us to have a Catholic ceremony as I was the only religious one. I could have got married in a registry office or a C of E church but it wouldn’t have felt like I was getting married.

I’ve always gone to church regularly until fairly recently but I still feel connected to Catholicism. So it just felt right.

I was worried about the church part as I wasn’t sure how easy or difficult it may be for us to be married. We went to St Patrick’s in Huddersfield where we were wanting to get hitched and met up with the priest. He then spoke to us and asked a few questions. When we wanted to get married, who was Catholic and could I get my papers of baptism etc to him.

Then came Sam…I perhaps naively thought that Sam may have to undergo a long and difficult process for us to marry. On the contrary, it was 3 marriage classes and Sam pledging to bring up any children in the church.

The priest was amazingly helpful and really we couldn’t ask for anything more. The trick is to just plan for everything and not give yourself unrealistic goals.

The Blogging Bride:- aka me.

Getting married is one of those things that everyone has an opinion on and the majority of the time, they’re just trying to be helpful.
Take note: those who are in the process of getting married and are a little ahead of you, or those who have just got married are the ones to take advice from. The others may as well not be speaking unless they’re being supportive of your decisions.

First piece of advice over (I’m allowed to give advice as I am in the process of planning for my wedding). Now to give you a full low down of how it all happened and what has happened so far. Going forward I plan to regularly update on stuff we have encountered and what is not cool to do or have happen to you.

Starting at the beginning: The Engagement!

Sam and I had been together a year and two months before he popped the question. I had been dropping hints (if sarcastically not expecting him to take it seriously) since our 4 months anniversary. I actually started asking him when we were going to get married as a joke to try and see how easily rattled he’d be by such a question. To my surprise, he wasn’t at all surprised and instead just said that he’d ask me when he could afford a ring.

After many months of joking, the 13th of February came. Sam goes off to Huddersfield to buy my valentines present, I’m at home probably cleaning the kitchen and rearranging the presents I had bought for him, for when he comes home. Weirdly enough he’d not text or called much during his 3 hours away which is unusual for Sam.

He walks in all smiles and presents me with a beautiful orchid (I’ve subsequently killed this orchid through kindness) which I was really pleased with. Residing in the front room I fall asleep on the couch and awake to eat a bowl of coco pops. Sam’s twitching at this moment and the conversation then follows this pattern.

Sam: “I really want to give you your present now.”

Luisa : (Grumpy as hell as I’ve just woken) “Well it’s up to you. I’m not bothered either way”

Sam: “Ok well you have to close your eyes”

Luisa: (Prob looking peeved that I now have to try and eat coco pops with my eyes closed) “Ok then”

*thump thump thump* of Sam running upstairs and then down again.

Sam: “Ok keep your eyes closed…”

Sam: (bending to whisper in my ear) “You know I love you…?

Sam: “Open your eyes…”

Me: “OH MY GOD!!! ARGGGGGGGHHHHH! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? IS THIS A JOKE? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? OH MY GOD!”

This then goes on for about 10 minutes as I gaze at the gorgeous three stone diamond engagement ring that Sam has bought me.

Eventually he manages to ask me to marry him and I say yes!

Lots of family and friends are called and all are excited and happy yada yada yada.

Now we get to the fun part of planning the wedding!

The Wedding Plans: Part 1:- Setting the date.

Initially we said June 2011 but then we went to Bagden Hall which was the first venue we saw and immediately fell in love with. They didn’t have a Saturday free until the October 2011 and it was March 2010. We then had the date of the 9th September suggested and it was too good to be true. My parents had got married that same date in 1967 and with my dad passing away 2 years previous it seemed a nice tribute to their 41 year marriage until his death.

So that was the venue and date sorted! The church was sorted swiftly afterwards and then it was a case of getting the bridesmaids and our wedding party sorted.

Everyone says that you can do a wedding in a year. And no doubt you can but I’m glad we started 18 months before. It is never too early to plan.
We have now got to 13 months before the wedding and we have a few things left to do such as the grooms suits, bridesmaids dresses and the ceremony stuff. Table plans and menus have yet to be decided but this is all the tricky stuff.

Finding THE dress:- Part 2

Looking for a wedding dress is stressful, if only because it makes you hot and sweaty doing so. There’s nothing like getting stuffy, sweaty and bothered trying on loads of dresses to make you feel amazing!

I tried on many many dresses and found one at £1100 that everyone liked. I then tried on further dresses and found a completely different and unconventional one for £250.

I liked the £250 one. Everyone else liked the £1100 one.
To be fair only my chief bridesmaid and mother in law saw my £250 one initially.

I knew that I was potentially going to upset the balance by choosing to be different but I loved the dress. I spun round in it and felt brilliant in it. Felt like I could eat, drink, be merry and more importantly poo in it. The other dress had been so tight and corsetted that I ended up in the loo for 30 minutes as it had squished my insides.

Note to all brides: You aren’t going to be in it for 20 mins, you’ll be in it all day! That’s 12 hours of being in a dress so if you’re going to wear it, make sure you’re comfortable.

The favoured dress by my Mum etc had been the dress I couldn’t sit down in, the dress I couldn’t eat in etc etc but I looked pretty in it.

This dress however gave me freedom and was very much a “me” dress. Something I loved. Overall reaction from others wasn’t so positive but it was my dress.

Helping me through all this was Hayley who is a long time friend and bride. I’d been her bridesmaid just in the May and she made me stronger in realising that the dress was about me and that’s how it should stay. I had to be happy and now I’ve told everyone else where to go and that the dress won’t be changing, I feel much much happier.

Laura and her Mum Ann were also amazing and sent me never ending support through text messages.

Lesson learnt. The bride wears what she wants unless it makes her look like the back of a bus.

Part 3 to come: Opinions opinions!

Night night for now. I need as much beauty sleep as I can. I only have a year to improve upon what God gave me.

Lu x

Woooooo! I’m back. Whilst that means nothing to most, it means something to me. I’ve not had chance to reflect on my life last year so this post will be pretty much a reflection of all the mental things I’ve done as well as thinking about what I’d like to do this year (I’m aware that new years resolutions are far past their due date but I’m gonna do it regardless :))

So what happened in 2009?

• I got serious with someone who I adored and still do now
• I moved 200 odd miles away, left my job, family and friends to start a new life with this person
• We moved into a house together
• We had to put Sam’s family cat down due to old age
• I spent my first Christmas away from home
• I got a brand spanking new car
• I got a new job and love it
• I learnt that living away from what you know is not easy but not that scary
• I dealt with the first anniversary of my Dad’s death.
• I got to know my boyfriends friends and family
• I realised that I’ve met the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

So what’s planned for 2010:

• Well so far we’ve had got 2 kittens!
• Have a house party
• Try and go out more
• Start blogging again properly
• Go away on a proper holiday and try and go somewhere new
• Talk to my friends more
• Make time to chill out in the evening with Sam
• Find the bumblebee pendant I want

There will be tonnes more things to come this year but hopefully all positive!

Lu

I am so sorry darling blog! I’ve neglected you!

Alas I’ve turned another year older since my last post and did very well for presents thank you very much. Whilst I’ve been majorly productive today at work and have managed to get a fair amount done, I still feel like I could have done more.

I’m in one of those moods today where I feel fairly cheerful but easily bored and want to do something majorly exciting.

I guess going on holiday is a massively exciting prospect. I can’t wait to go and lie in the sun, do some snorkeling and enjoy driving around the little island.

I miss the sun, the food, the people and the general good feeling that Malta gives me.

Roll on September 25th

I hate feeling like a big fat muppet and today I definitely feel like that. Pretty emotional and not liking it one bit. Times like this I wish I could escape and just tell the world to go away. I need a field to chill in away from everyone. Oh to be care free

I’m just posting quickly to say I have another blog running specifically to document my eye laser treatment journey. Find it at

www.meeyes.tumblr.com

Today’s not started well. I should have driven to work feeling on top of the world because tomorrow is my last day and I should eb in the zone.

Instead I set off and automatically notice something is wrong with my car. I park up at the station after 3 minutes of “flapping” noises coming from my car and check it over. The rear right tyre is as flat as a pancake and then it occurs to me I’ve been driving on the rims. :S

Looking at the tyre I notice a huge screw sticking out and so now I am torn between trying to change the tyre or running to get the train.

I get the train…

So tonight when I get back to the station I have the task of getting my spare on before the weekend as I’ll have to purchase another for my journey to Halifax.

I’ve been feeling a little off kilter all week and can only think my hormones are all crazy. Silly things have been bugging me and it’s winding me up to think that I am even remotely bothered by all this.

Perhaps tonight I need to sleep early in preparation for a monumental day.

So it’s been a crazy old time since I last blogged. I’ve had such a lot going on in my little world that it’s been hard to know what day it is.

This is however my final week at TradeDoubler and it’s Mittwoch (as Sam likes to say :)) which means that after today, I’ll only have 2 full days left at the company.

It’s been a really crazy year and 9 months. Such a lot has happened in that time. I’ve had over 4 managers through redundancy, personal reasons, and now I too am leaving the fold. I’ve seen good friends go and have lost my Dad through a heart attack.

To leave has not been an easy decision to make, in fact it’s been bloody hard because deep down this is really all I know. First job from Uni and I’ve made some great life friends and gathered some great life experiences. I’ve grown as a person and have learnt where my bounderies lie and mellowed out as a whole.

I’ve seriously learnt such a lot from the people around me and the awesome friends I’ve made. I’m truly going to miss my team and the great atmosphere that the office has.

There will be parts I won’t miss but I’d rather not dwell on them because right now I feel contented and happy about leaving and embarking upon the adventure that lies before me.

As a whole this is a big step for me. I’m leaving behind my family and work colleagues, London and everything that is familiar to me. But to be honest I don’t feel scared or worried. For the first time in my life I’ve never felt surer that this is something I need to do and knowing I have Sam next to me te whole way, reassures me all the more.

So it’s with a heavy heart I say goodbye to the Agency team at TD and hello to a new life with my boyfriend and the people of Leeds.

I’m exicted!

Today is a bad day. Why it’s a bad day I don’t know but all I know is that I’m not “feeling” today. I think I’m being a bit unreasonable in my expectations of how things should be going, (the problem is that I have decided how the day should be and now because it’s not following that pattern I’m stressing about it)

My main issue is where I’ve been told to attend a meeting and I am far from appropriately dressed. As a result I am in a big fat mood. I hate having PMT and I hate feeling like everything is wrong with my day because of one little mishap.

Time to beat myself into some kind of mindset…one that doesn’t involve whinging…

Ok so the title is a bit far from the truth but I am indeed leaving. I am quiting the big smoke that is London, moving away from Kent and all that I have ever known and instead swapping it for the north. Am I scared? Not really. I don’t feel like I have anything to be worried about. I’m moving in with my lovely boyfriend and his mental cat, taking Aggy McBun with me and starting my new life, richer in money and in love.

Today has been a bit of an enlightening day as a whole as it’s been a bit of an eye opener. My team got told in our meeting that I am leaving and I also told one of our major clients that I’d be going onto a new job. The look on their faces and their genuine disappointment at my leaving was actually surprising. I had no idea that I’d be missed as much as they’re saying they will.

Dharmesh was singing “I can’t live if living is without you” today and Franky is proposing he has a cardboard cut out in my place to make sure he doesn’t miss me too much.

Gemma was upset that our team elevensies would be no more (“Who’s going to make the cake!”) and on returning from my meeting Mona and Franky stated it had been too quiet without me.

Even people who I’d not spoken to or spent time with in a while were asking to go for lunch and catch up.

I guess though it made me appreciate how much of an impact I had made and I’m glad I’m going out on a high. Nothing could be better than that. :)

So I pretty much live in Victoria as this is where I spend most of my time working. Because we’re so close to Westminster we’re on high alert for the protesters who are protesting against everything and anything. The twats.

All I’ve heard so far this morning is a shit load of police cars whizzing past but no actual fights. The television isn’t doing much to make me feel worried about these protests either. I’ve been to scarier pop concerts.

Ok so I am in a whingey mood today, work is crap, my boyfriend is in Leeds, I have too much work to do and I am so hormonal, I make the incredible Hulk look like a pussycat.

I’m quite aware I’m whinging and whining but to be honest nothing is really helping right now except the sunshine and CHOCOLATE! Ah chocolate, the greatest recipe known to man. I could marry a kitkat right now…

Yep you’ve guessed it today has been another one of those days. Really not enjoying work at the minute and everything seems to be a struggle.

It’s at time like these you’re really glad to have someone fighting your corner and that’s why I am thankful I work with Mona. I can always rely on her to provide me with some back up if I feel against the wall and she’s really great at boosting me and keeping me believing I am doing a good job.

Unfortunately it’s not always possible to get relationships like this elsewhere and whether it be at home, work or socially, sometimes, it’s those relationships you feel you get the most out of. You don’t ask for the support but they give it to you anyway, and it’s at times like that, that I feel incredibly lucky.

So I know this has been done to death and I think it’s fair to say that every person in the world is now aware we’re in an economic recession.
What I do want to add however is that because of some stupid actions by a few stupid people, more people are now suffering than need be. This recession has been caused by us. All of us, because a recession is not some mythical creature that like a plague causes people to lose their jobs. Instead it’s the result of people panicking in reaction to Northern Rock and the fact that America couldn’t sort out their mortgage lending. IF we’d all kept our heads and continued to behave as we had done for the last 10 years, we’d now not be facing financial uncertainty and our children’s futures would be set. Instead, we’re now all struggling to manage to live and even those of us with jobs are finding the situation incredibly stressful.

I’m lucky I have a job but it doesn’t mean that my life is a breeze. Instead a huge amount of pressure and stress is placed on me to get the tasks of 3 people done in one day, instead of just my own.

This in turn means that I have to consider my future at the company I work for and whether or not I can stand to stay there. Whilst I really enjoy my job the majority of the time, it’s the company politics involved that cause me the most grief. It seems as with most companies, it’s not about working to the best method to ensure we all work well and together, it’s more about trying to prove a point and brown nose as many people as possible.

I absolutely can’t stand this and because I don’t agree with this behaviour I find myself not getting the recognition or promotion I deserve. This is not because I don’t work well and not because I don’t deserve it, but more because I don’t agree with compromising my integrity and morals to get to where I want to be. If I have worked hard, then I feel I should be promoted.

Now I’m coming to terms with the fact that I probably not going to get this and so I have no option but to look elsewhere. This saddens me because ultimately I’m good at my job and without my knowledge and help across the product, they’ll find it hard to operate without me. Again this is not me being arrogant but I am the only person support this function across the UK.

Time to formulate a plan me thinks…