1 Year on
A year passes and a lot changes. However when you lose a member of your family like your Mum or your Dad, one thing that never changes is how much you miss them and wish they were here.
Tomorrow it’ll be a year since my Dad passed away very suddenly from a heart attack and everyday is just as hard as the day he left. The worst part is that you think about all the things you should have done or said to them before they left and though nothing can change what’s happened you automatically feel a bit guilty, like you never did quite enough to help them.
The part that makes this worse is that I saw my Dad die in that short moment and the only thing I managed to say to him was “it’ll be ok” to which he replied “no it won’t”. That’s the last thing Iwe ever said to each other. Those last few moments will haunt me for the rest of my life.
TO see someone like my Dad who was robust and strong and not afraid of anything, searching for my Mum’s hand to hold and looking at me like he had no idea who I was, is a very frighening and distressing thing. Not least because he had been such a fearless person.
I will always have utter respect for my Dad and nothing will ever change that. I’m just sad that he won’t get to share some of the happy moments I have to come, like walking me down the aisle to holding my first child.
I miss him very very much.
